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Jealous Peers?

What Do You Do? - Tips On How To Deal With A Jealous Peer - How Have I Been Able To Relate?

You know how wonderful you are, and you know that others know how wonderful you are, but what do you do when admiration crosses over the line into jealousy? For most teens there will come a day when you realize that one of your friends is jealous. Whether it be of who you are, what you've done or something you have, and that this jealousy is hurting your friendship.

When this happens it can seem like there is nothing that you can do, but the good news is that there is. Don't let jealousy spoil your relationships. Tackle it head on and you might be back to normal much sooner than you think.

Warning Signs Of A Jealous Friend:

• The silence or pause that follows your announcement of success. The sincere friend or relative will start gushing happiness as soon as you inform them of your pay-raise, promotion, engagement, pregnancy, etc. The jealous person will, however, pause in silence, and mumble a half-hearted congratulations, as they try to digest the news. It's difficult for them to feel happy for you while being gripped by the flames of jealousy.

• The negative aura that surrounds you when in the jealous person's company. The jealous person exudes such a negative energy towards the person they are jealous of, that the energy can literally feel very uneasy and tense around them. The warmth and friendliness are suddenly gone.

• Breaking off eye contact, or all kinds of contact, for some time. After hearing your good news, the jealous relative or friend will shift his/her eyes away from you, either by looking down or away during the conversation, and not contact you too much after that. You see, their jealous feelings make it difficult for them to look at you or talk to you - it pains them too much, because you have something they don't have. By looking at you or talking to you, that fact gets rubbed in, so they break off contact.

• Caustic or derisive remarks, or open antagonism. Some jealous people literally become very mean, and start openly putting you down before others. It's a counter-strategy to pull you down to their level. This hurtful behavior can really damage your relationship, unless you ignore it by focusing on the the reason behind it: jealousy.

• Obsessive competitiveness or imitation. For some jealous people, it suffices to just brood and distance themselves from the person they are jealous of. For others, however, it's not sufficient to just feel jealous. They cannot rest until they see you lose your newly-acquired blessing, and get it for themselves instead!

• Ill-willed sabotage. The films showing the jealous girl intentionally spill her drink on the dress of the pageant winner, there are such jealous people who just might stoop this low in real life! Sulking, antagonizing, or competing is not enough for them. They go one step further by trying to sabotage what makes you successful.

What Do You Do?

Now that you know that a person is jealous of you, what do you do? The sulkiness, competition, imitation or slandering is bothering you. How do you handle all of this?

Ignore them.

Yes, it IS easier said than done. But really, think about it! Do you want to ruin your composure, peace of mind and cheerful mood by thinking about these jealous people? Why bother? Use your time, positive energy, and talents for more productive pursuits, and you won't be able to do that until you learn to detach yourself by ignoring their shenanigans. They are not worth the sweat.

Return their bad behavior with good.

Nothing extinguishes fire like water! Successful people don't just ignore malice, they take every opportunity to convert their foes into friends. The best way to do that and the most difficult is by doing good to such people as soon as the chance comes by.

So that co-worker who deliberately exposed your bluff and ruined your chances for a pay-raise last quarter, is sick? Visit her at the hospital with some flowers and wish her a quick recovery. Chances are your strained relationship with her will get better too, as a result.

Never stoop to their level!

Don't fight fire with fire. If you start returning tit for tat, you are no better than they. Two negatives don't make a positive. Don't resort to revenge, no matter how tempted you might be. Some gossip-mongers might entice you to a cat-fight by saying, "Did you hear what [jealous person] said about you?". Ignore these attempts at war; others just want to be entertained at your expense. It will make the situation even worse if you returned the favors.

Or, For A More Patient Approach...

Confront Your Friend

Try And Work Out A Solution

When you figure out what is irking your friend, ask him or her what they think would make the situation better. If, for example, they say that they feel like they don't get to spend any time with you because your off with your new friends from the swim team then maybe you could invite them along the next time or block off one day a week for just the two of you. Remember, though, that whatever solution you decide one should be a compromise. Don't limit your own talents or opportunities simply because your friend is unhappy. Try instead to include him or her in your new life and see how that works out.

Practice Your Patience

Even the best of friendships can be tinged by jealousy. This destructive emotion is rarely productive and can turn best friends into worst enemies. Before taking drastic action, chat with your jealous friend to see if the two of you can work out a compromise. If you can't, be prepared to know exactly how far you will go to keep your friend and how far you won't.

Helpful Tips On How To Deal With A Jealous Friend:

• Put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand the reasons behind his or her feelings.
• Offer encouragement and praise when something goes right for your friend.
• Try to help the other person get what they are wishing to have.
• Try not to say things that would make the person jealous.
• Look before you get involved with a very jealous person in a romantic relationship.
• Realize that jealousy can be the root of many evil behaviors/painful thoughts and even ruin a person.
• Listen to the little voice inside of you.
• Some people who get jealous are actually wanting to improve in that area but need to work it out after having a bad experience from trusting before.

Don't Let It Affect YOUR Self-Esteem

The best way to defeat a negative self-image is to step back and decide to play up your successes. Literally make a list if you need to, but tally up all of the great things you do everyday. Think about how you are always there for your friends, how you help your siblings with their homework, how you manage to hold down a part time job and get good grades. Don't allow doubts to creep into this list. If your initial instinct is to put down that you get good grades, don't berate yourself because they aren't great. No one is perfect you know!

How Have I Been Able To Relate?

Now, I have been able to relate to this topic on a more personal level. My so called "Best Friend" threatened to sabotage my entire life just because of her extreme Jealousy towards me. It all started when I got a boyfriend. She didn't have one, while everyone else did. I did my best to make her feel more included instead of left out but that just made things worse. She began trying to get into my head, telling me how horrible my boyfriend was. I tried to shake it out of my head, but she just kept trying to push me and him further apart. And sooner or later she finally got her way. He broke up with me.

Then not a few weeks later I started talking to this other guy named Robert*. She was still depressed about not having a boyfriend, and I guess she saw her chance to strike. She secretly went behind my back and told Robert that I was just using him and that I'm just a "stupid and worthless human being". I was absolutely livid. I thought how could my "best friend" of five years do this to me? The next day at school, she had told everyone this story telling them how stupid and awful I was. It got to the point where I ended up sitting in the bathroom alone during lunch. I couldn't even go to school most of the week. She had isolated me from everyone. And to top it all off, she began cyber bullying me, calling me stupid, and a b**ch. I did my best to ignore her, and delete her from Myspace/Facebook. But not even that worked. She continued to try and get everyone against me. And to this day, I still don't know exactly why.

A few days later, she apologized. She told me she "missed me" and that she "wanted her 'best friend' back". I mean, I couldn't help but be shocked. I didn't really believe her. But I thought to myself and thought about my other friend, Stephanie* who is also friends with both of us. I thought about her and how I really didn't want her to be stuck in the middle of all of the drama. So, I decided to act civil for Stephanie's sake.

To this day, I'm still civil with my "old best friend". I will NEVER be "best friends" her again. I'm am civil with her and that's it. There's absolutely NOTHING she can do to earn back my trust. I mean, it sucks that it has to be that way, but it's her fault not mine.

* Name Changed

Sources & Links On Jealous Peers:

• Wiki How - Deal With A Jealous Friend
• Learn To Love Yourself
• Teen Issues - Jealous Friend
  

Remember, I'm here to help you the readers, with everyday problems and situations. If you have any ideas for an article, that you want addressed, feel free to e-mail me!

Love,

Christina